this urn will turn you into a tree after you die
seapeny: rainbow-road-to-happiness: You can choose what kind of tree you want to become Idk I just find this beautiful just imagine cemeteries looking like this a forest of living, changing, beautiful trees. I think a tombstone holds much more finality in death than a tree. It’s like you are living on symbolically through something greater than yourself. this is a serious post...
superlockedhogwartianinthetardis: jonxdaenerys: hellhound-of-the-baskervilles: jonxdaenerys: If you’re ever feeling sad just remember that: 1. You are not the author or 50 Shades of Grey 2. You will never hate life as much as Robert Pattinson 3. You will never lose as many friends as the Doctor was that last one really necessary 4. You aren’t one of the twelve publishers to turn...
ianthe: schmergo: ianthe: nothing grape flavored is flavored like grapes it’s just flavored like other grape flavored things and this is why I have trust issues FUN FACT: Grape artificial flavor was the first artificial flavor created, by accident. That means that some guy decided, “Whoa, this smells a lot like grapes,” and now everyone pretends it’s grape-y, too… It tastes like an...
*Mom hands me phone to answer*
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.
emilioestevez: story time so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times. *facepalm*
mebeingweird: bondoge: do u ever listen to a song and u like forget ur listening to it and when it’s almost over ur just like what and then u repeat the song but then it happens again
darthhaven: primaniallerina: wackcalzone: my type that guy in the state farm commercial that says “can i get a hot tub” like hes prayin in a church He is adorable.
hanzukel: i bought a rubber duck today that is actually jesus holding a lamb but it’s a rubber duck too look at it ok goodnight
yanderegal: chickensandwich: chickensandwich: if this gets 500 notes i will kill my dad with a shovel i’m not going to kill my dad. this website is the worst. don’t back out now u pussy
diagondaley: buttgenie: i hate when a teacher is genuinely funny and i’m the only one in the entire classroom that laughs at their jokes since everybody i go to school with are distasteful heathens #especially those sarcastic witty teachers who have amazing comebacks but everyone is fucking moronic and not intelligent enough to understand the beauty of what theyre saying and i get so upset
dirkstr8der: the-winchester-initiative: cryonetics: snorlaxatives: *sexually strokes wall until finding light switch* What a turn on. Get out. why does everyone say get out when somebody makes a pun dont get out get in here and make more puns
hamburgay: hamburgay: Who needs a boyfriend when I have a can of Pringles I meant this as in having food NOT USING THE PRINGLES CAN AS A DILDO
overtheunderpass: “are you on your period” why yes, i am bleeding today would you like to join me
psilentasincjelli: If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and...
theemptyholmes: theemptyholmes: theemptyholmes: If you ever think your life is bad just remember that when my sister was born my mum threw up on her She knows She’s still pissed off at me and blame all of you
sfux: i feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together
megaman2: megaman2: “mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?” “no, i said she was fucking goofy” please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother
tapdancers: How To Make Cake In A Mug! (NO MICROWAVE OR OVEN NEEDED) Just follow these steps: Buy a FUCKING CAKE FUCKIGN SMASH THE THING INTO A MUG EAT IT AL LAT ONCE
Parents: Don't forget to make us proud
Friends: Don't forget to socialize
Teachers: Don't forget to get A's
Strangers: Don't forget to blend in
Opposite sex: Don't forget to look good
Society: Don't forget to be perfect
Tumblr: Fuck the world, at least you haven't murdered somebody today
Tumblr: But just in case you want to get away with it, here are some tips.
Procrastination Starts Here:... →
zillythejellyfishsreblogs: just-laff: egberts: if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket you are one of the great thinkers of our time can you…
vonlipwig: vonlipwig: hey, whatever happened to franz ferdinand? the band, i mean not the archduke of austria i know what happened to the archduke of austria
cowboybeboop: viste: cowboybeboop: reblog if u were on tumblr before yahoo bought it IT’S LITERALLY BEEN LIKE A DAY AND WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO ACHIEVE WITH THIS POST only a true tumblrite would understand. you just outed yourself as a yahooligan
how to prepare for exams: cry
turnc0at: turnc0at: turnc0at: turnc0at: GUESS WHO GOT SOME APPLE FLAVOURED SHAMPOO WAIT NO I MEANT SCENTED DON’T WORRY IT TASTES LIKE APPLES TOO i just threw up
rabioheab: earlier this year 2 boys got expelled from my school for going on a teachers email and sending another teacher an email that says “you’re a disgusting little man” and i laugh about it all the time because imagine opening an email from your coworker and thinking it’s important and then it says that
on single mothers: ugh you are the ruin of this country couldn't you just keep your legs together you dumb welfare slut
on single fathers: oh god you brave man raising your kid(s) all on your own that must be really hard what bitch would leave a hero like you she must be a whore
stephini: stephini: what do you call tom hanks when he takes a boat ride tom cruise
meladoodle: do you wonder if god ever thinks ‘woah these humans were kinda a bad idea’
guceubcuesu: Why do rich people always get free shit. Like bitch so what you’re the queen, you have to pay rent